A Christian's Lament

May 31st 1981

A CHRISTIAN'S LAMENT
A WAY OF SEEING LIFE IN THE LAMB OF GOD COMMUNITY

"For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For indeed in this house we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven; in as much as we, having put it on, shall not be found naked. For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed, but to be clothed, in order that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life"...

"The body of my son is broken." Ralph Martin, 1977 CCRCC

It seems to me that the preimminant question in Christiandom should be: is it God, or is it man, who is stretching canvas more and more tightly over the Church, in order to provide a secure covering and tent over her? As Christians, it is always our hope that we are following God and God alone: as David centered on God's presence in the Arc of The Covenant. But David did not build. Are we, as David would have, building prematurely?
To have a heart as the heart of God formed in David: broken, open, stretched before God, open to change--would keep us true to God and His ways. David saw things as God saw things. So much of David was in God, and so much of God was in David, that Jesus revealed to us: "I am the root and offspring of David". But David did not build.
Events and history can give us hints and a sense as to whether or not we have lifted our hands to expedite and anchor the movements of God. In the moment only God knows. But these tents and buildings become and remain as empty shells, as we insinuate our hands into God's work. Only God can judge our hearts as we build, forming them into such as David's. For any movement of God, it takes God to answer questions about them: have they crystalized, or are they vital? All I know is that God has entrusted His spirit to live and move and have His being in each Christian's life. He lives in us.
As a Christian, and as a person, it is my hope to communicate a part of my story to you. True and full communication would take something of the movement of the Spirit of God in the context of a personal dialogue: face to face, from the heart--in respect and love. I'm not saying I know the way. I haven't any corner on truth. I do percieve a gap in our ways of seeing, thus this writing. My intent is not to change your ways to my ways; rather, it is to affirm my Christian life, and the lives of my brothers and sisters, that are not joined to The Lamb of God. It is quite a different perspective. Here, then, is my story...

The sun was setting over 'Five Farms' and the evening was beginning to become pleasantly cool and envigorating for me. I've always loved the natural beauty of the old Jennifer Estate. And on this particular Sunday evening the dew on the fields pleasantly began to moisten my feet as I walked. Envigorating! My feet and flip-flops began to pick up, and be covered with, a proliferation of seeds and grasses. Winter to Spring, Death to Life--and alive again!
The beauty only which God could create, interweave, and sustain in this fallen world. Hope of the eternal! The setting sun, the birds of the air, the beauty of the moment: they all beckon me to thank God and enjoy the gift of this beauty and tranquility. And, even more than all these, to thank him for the person he has formed me to be. I wanted to do these things--to continue to rest in the peace within and without, but this was not why I had come to walk...
So many memories--so long ago. It seems that these days have been set aside to consider my past life and experiences in the Lamb of God. But the more I tried to remember, the further away my former life there seemed. How come? I mean, all the physical clues are here. I seem to need to go back and recapture something. Something I left back there when my life with God seemed shattered, and I couldn't find all the pieces...
Why can't I enter into remembering--and wondering why? I've had times when all the joys and sorrows of those days seemed to implode within my heart, and I could feel the texture of my life then. Nevr times this distant. Going back now seems impossible to me. How come? Seems a bit clearer now...I really can't go back. It's impossible. It's just that I'm not the same person I was when I was joined to the Lamb of God. In fact, to a great extent, I wasn't even a person then. And now I am.
Well, Daphne still remembers me anyway. Funny how she even seems to know how to say goodbye, just before you get in the car. At least something, besides the land, has continuity: is personal and somewhat the same. I used to wander and sleep in these fields with Daphne, and my own confusion, four years ago...
Knowing I'll never figure it all out, I sat on an old wall just behind the main house. Sitting down beats trying to tackle the impossible. Yeah, I remember the main house: center of importance and activity. Had some mistique or something. Well, I've been mentally and physically meandering for fifty minutes and nothing of what I thought would occur has come to be. My hour is shot. Just like God and his timing. In my life, I've come to expect such 'waste'.
I so wanted to touch the person I was then. I can remember becoming a Christian and my early days in the faith in South Carolina. Good memories, even treasures, of those brothers and sisters and my beginning with God. Why is there a shroud over my days in the Lamb of God? The days I thought would bring me into full body life and His Coming Kingdom...
Sometimes it seems such a waste to try to be with God. No use, just be--enjoy the moment. As I began to 'focus in', I started to 'get into' the hedges planted behind the main house. They seem to remind me of something else.Hedges, all in rows: rooted and intertwined together. They line up to subdivide and section off the backyard. They bring 'order' to the organic 'chaos' of life. The person who landscaped this area did so according to his own vision, judgement, and abilities. Through this particular pattern of hedges he was to give, to all that would enter his yard, what he saw necessary to himself. The hedges expressed his life and desires--were extended to others--but, constrained them to walk according to his vision.

Ought's, should do's, don't, if--then's. That's what these hedges are! The hedges line up pretty straight--and serve as external modifers, channels for movement. They sure serve a purpose. Trouble is what they do to people.
You see, I can envision the ...hedges subsuming the people that walk too closely to them. So often in an attempt to do the right thing, we try so very hard to do things right. The law brings death. The landscaper may even be unaware, as he begins to trim the hedges...
Headship/Submission/Authority: The garden tools needed to trim the hedges back so that continuity and order is formed by their branches. But not only are ways of doing things modified--people are. The people caught up in the hedges. Is it all just a matter of degree? You know, how far to trim the hedges back--or where to let them grow? Don't all the branches, the people, reach for the sun? Who has the right, or the eyes to see, when to cut off a person's autonomy, decision making, and right to have a direct personal relationship with God? Oh God, these are not just hedges being cut back--but people! They needed a covering. They needed to be clothed. If you see yourself naked and longing to be clothed, don't choose the hedge, There's no mercy in the shears. You'll be stunted.
Looking down into the hedge, I can also envision the roots. Roots of covenant and commitment. From these things, the same pattern continues. Dear God, what are these roots doing here? There's no branch coming up from them. Oh God, these people have been cut off completely! Severed at the root. Does the landscapper know what he has done?
I wonder what would happen if the owner showed up one day and said: "Oaks, not hedges. It's oaks I'm after." Will the landscapper be able to hear? What would he then tell the hedges: those cut and bruised, and those cut off? I sure wouldn't want to be in his shoes, the landscapper's, that is.
 

The cross of Christ Jesus Our Lord is the only instrument God has given to us to cut things at their root. But we've been using hedgeclippers. The cross calls for a loss to be suffered, in order that we may lay hold of the greater gain. The loss of the hedgerows would be a loss to the hands that enjoy trimming them, but God needs oaks.

In fact, I can imagine oaks having a better time of getting along with each other, than hedges. If the owner shows up, the landscappers won't have a chance. We'll all be on equal ground. The cross seems to cut us all at the root. No more will the Gospel be added onto, or subtracted from. No more will people be added onto, or subtracted from.
David was cut at the root and became a full orbed man of God. Many of the hedg...es that have been cut off have not experienced the cross, but have experienced hedgeclippers. They left not because they were not spiritual enough, but because they could not become less of a person than God intended them to be. It takes the cross, not hedgeclippers, to get into interior realities. The most special of these interior realities is to accept yourself--to love yourself. even though an imperfect sinner. That's the key to the Kingdom of God. Those landscappers have ripped some people right apart. Wonder what God thinks about that?
You know, the Lamb of God is the sanest, and most insane, place I've ever been. Living together and sharing God's life within us is wonderful. It cleans me out and makes me whole. In this sense, you are joined to me through Christ: you are my brothers and sisters. All Christians have this birthright, God working His life through us organically.
This is, I believe, your preeminent reality and life. I know, for I've shared my life with some of you and love you dearly. But, to some extent, our lives are shrouded from each others...
It seems as if there is an exoskeletal attachment to the Body of Christ in the Lamb of God. The landscappers who try to expedite and firm up the life within us. Providing submission-authority-covenant-commitment, headship tries to configure that life into a functioning body. Christ, our Head in Heaven, would be more than glad to organically work out His designs in us. Will what is mortal be swallowed up by life?
The reality of the Body of Christ, and the insanity of the 'landscappers', are juxtapositioned together. It's hard to see ehere one ends and the other begins. It takes God to 'run that thin white line'. Not to be able to see, to focus, to make distinction and sense; breeds insanity. People have attitudes towards the Lamb of God because they can't see this. Two distinct realities clash in their hearts, and they can't see. All they see are the dead bodies.

I wonder how God feels about all this?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~sum quod eris~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sum quod eris~~~that's an old latin graveyard phrase meaning: i am what you will be~~~or as Charley would say: dirt :) in spacetime~~~death is at the end of everything. this is a picture of the top of one of the three stone pillars that led into what was The Jennifer Estate in Timonium, Maryland~~~the property that The Lamb of God Christian community bought in 1977 and sold in 1991.....the property is now a development called Pebble Creek. this pillar was erected when the land was a working farm...and as in most things in this life~~~how something ends.....the ending.....is contained in it's.................beginning. it used to define a port of entry....and now it's a gravestone....a historical marker.......of the spiritual life that a small group of people tried to find together.....in the summers of their youth. 

~~~~~~~~FUNDYS ARE FUNNY~~~~~~~~~

  Fundys are funny~~~because they get things~~~so mixed up~~~for~~~when it comes to reality~~~the description is not the described~~~and~~~the word is not the thing~~~but they think when it comes to~~~The Bible~~~every word is perfect~~~of more value than the creation~~~itself. Now~~~you got to admit~~~that's very very funny!

   Constantine The Great had approximately 300 gospels~~~and who knows how many manuscripts and letters~~~to choose from~~~when he canonized the scriptures~~~all this happening 300 years after Jesus lived~~~and he did this as a roman emperor~~~while making Christianity the state religion. Justinian I~~~another roman emperor~~~tossed out reincarnation~~~500 years after Jesus and 200 years after Constantine~~~during The Council of Constantinople in 538 A.D.~~~making such a belief~~~christian anathema. One Lifetime? Many Lifetimes? One birth? Many births? Reincarnation wouldn't have been an issue~~~500 years after Jesus lived~~~if Christians weren't seeing it as a doctrine that complied with their faith~~~reincarnation being a part of their way of seeing~~~the way life is. Politics~~~is all that's left when spirituality is dead~~~and such control has no part in living the spiritual life. It's all about~~~Doing What You See The Father Doing~~~is it not?

   Right after The Mount of Transfiguration~~~when Jesus lit up and Peter wanted to pitch three tents for Jesus, Moses, and Elijah~~~and stay there forever~~~this conversation arose~~~"And His disciples asked Him, saying, "Why then do the scribes say that Elijah must come first?" And he answered and said. "Elijah is coming and will restore all things; but I say to you, that Elijah already came, and they did not recognize him, but did to him whatever they wished. So also the Son of Man is going to suffer at their hands." Then the disciples understood that He had spoken to them about John The Baptist." Matthew 17:10-13. Elisha and Elijah. Jesus and John The Baptist. Is this reincarnation? Well? If Jesus is The Good Shepherd~~~it may take more than one lifetime to save all the wandering members of his flock~~~and furthermore~~~I wouldn't count on roman emperors making the right spiritual decisions~~~when it comes to anything.

   These days~~Jesus has gone whacko political~~~with the likes of James Dobson, Ralph Reed, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Bill Bright, Michele Bachmann~~~and too many others~~~both dead and alive~~~to mention~~~all guilty of~~~dressing him up in republican neo-conservative clothing~~~and wasn't this Jesus they're portraying~~~the guy who cleansed the temple and called the priests of his day  whitewashed sepulchres and their house of worship~~~just a den of thieves? Wasn't this Jesus the guy who hung out with whores and thieves? The guy who never owned anything~~~who never even owned a house? Well? Once religion goes political it's dead~~~just another mirage drifting above the arid floor of The Great American Spiritual Desert. Megachurches? Joel Osteen? Now who was it that said~~~You can Tell A Tree By It's Fruit~~~and~~~what you do for the least of these~~~you do for me?
   I'm afraid you'll find no answers here~~~you're going to have to find the answers yourself~~~and it's only God~~~who can show you what is true~~~and~~~what isn't. I remember when I was a novice christian asking about the billions of souls who through no fault of their own never heard the gospel~~~would they also be saved? Those who lived in different times~~~or~~~inaccessible cultures~~~or~~~died too young~~~what about them? Too bad~~~Jesus is the only way~~~leave it up to him~~~was the pat answer. I even wonder if the conservative republican Christians care about the innocents slaughtered in Iraq and Afghanistan? But damn~~~they sure are hard cases when it comes to abortion~~~no matter what the reason~~~and I wonder? Would they be so schizophrenic about the killing~~~if they saw that reincarnation was true?
   Fundys are funny~~~in the head~~~when they act as if this life~~~is what it's all about. Didn't Jesus say that whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it~~~but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it? How about a little more of that~~~my former~~~fundamental christian brothers and sisters~~~for once all this impermanence we dwell within is over~~~we will all be~~~AS ONE~~~together. Amen.